Your kickoff time having sex can be super uncomfortable, a lot of fun, really awful, or all of the to a higher place—there'south no right or wrong way to have sex. Sometimes, it's hard to define what even counts as sex activity. No matter what you lot've seen in movies or heard about from your friends, though, there are things no 1 tells you most sex, like how you lot might feel afterwards or the hurting you lot might have during.

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There are so many different reactions yous could have, both emotional and physical, to having sex activity for the offset time, all of which are completely normal. Every bit long as you use protection and are 100 percent certain you're ready, you lot're in a skilful identify. To be even more prepared, though, go along reading to find out things that no one tells y'all about losing your virginity.

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What is virginity?

A virgin is someone who's never had sex but, because sex has different meanings for dissimilar people, it's not really that simple. Nigh people think that losing their virginity entails penis-in-vagina intercourse, but that's non always the case. For those who aren't cis-gendered or straight, the definition of losing their virginity may be oral or anal sexual activity, amongst other things. The truth is there isn't a universal definition for virginity — it comes down to each individual to define it for themself.

1. You should think about talking to your doctor get-go.

Ok, so there's this thing chosen physician/patient confidentiality, which ways that whatsoever yous tell your medico stays inside the walls of the exam room. If you're thinking of having sexual practice or if you've already started, you lot'll want to start talking to your doctor about it. I know, I know: It's going to experience so weird to talk to an adult about sex activity. But, trust me, they hear nearly sex and vaginas all day, every day, so nothing volition exist a daze to them. Take advantage of this opportunity to enquire all the questions y'all've been wondering almost.

2. You can change your mind at any signal on the night of.

Let'southward set the scene: Yous're passionately kissing your pregnant other and you lot've both decided that tonight is the nighttime, but all of a sudden yous recall: You know, I don't really want to do this right now. That is 10000000000% OK, and yous accept every single right to allow your partner know that. People change their minds over all kinds of tiny things (like craving a burger but then actually realizing you want nuggets), so why would that be whatever different for something as intimate as having sex activity for the first time? If you're not downward, then information technology's not happening, and that's totally cool.

3. No one actually cares if y'all're notwithstanding a virgin.

Yes, information technology might seem like all anyone talks about is sexual practice, similar all of your friends are doing information technology, and the plot of similar eight million movies involves losing it, only trust u.s.: you are not the last untouched human on Earth. Not even close. It merely feels that mode sometimes because your virginity matters more to yous than it does to anyone else. And *that* is an first-class reason to look for the positive experience yous deserve, total of common deep-feels and adjacent-level respect. That person won't care about how much you lot've hooked up. They'll just be PSYCHED to get to share it with yous!

4. Losing your virginity doesn't mean *exactly* what you think it means.

You've maybe got this equation in your head: Penis → Vagina = Virginity Lost. Merely what if yous're into girls, not guys? Does that mean you are an eternal virgin? (Of course not!) "Other activities, like oral sex, tin can exist even more intimate than sexual intercourse—and besides carry the hazard of STDs," says Kris Gowen, a sex educator and writer of Making Sexual Decisions. "Whatever fourth dimension you're intimate with someone, information technology's going to touch you." So don't put too much on the technicality of just one human action, and instead think of ~losing it~ every bit a progression. Then you'll exist prepared to handle all of the big responsibilities (am I being safe?) AND crazy-circuitous emotions (did he/she really just see me totally naked?!) that come up with each and every step.

5. Your 🍒 doesn't *pop.*

Seriously! I know it'southward a super pop myth, merely it'southward false. "The hymen consists of thin folds of stretchy tissue that are just inside the vaginal opening," explains Michelle Horejs, associate managing director of youth education and training at Planned Parenthood Los Angeles. "It may tear or stretch the first time you lot have sex — causing some discomfort or a lilliputian bleeding — simply information technology's not something you can break or that disappears one time you have sexual practice." Chances are, you already tore it a chip on your bike or the remainder beam or just past beingness an active man. NBD, because your hymen is merely a part of your torso. It has nothing to exercise with whether or not y'all're a virgin.

6. ...but it could hurt a petty.

Before yous freak, let united states of america explain. To prep for sexual practice (nosotros're more often than not talking penis-vagina intercourse hither), your body needs a warm-upwardly phase of kissing, touching, etc. That'due south when a guy gets his erection, and also when your vagina lubricates to prepare your body for sexual practice (because no lubrication = friction = hurting). But the tricky part is that nerves can interfere with this arousal process, and you and your partner could get aroused at unlike speeds. "Guys are like microwaves and girls are tiresome cookers," explains Stardell Smith, a wellness educator at Mount Sinai Adolescent Health Center in New York City. You can apply your fingers to check if you're ready down at that place. And if not: Slow. Them. Downwards. If yous're non wet enough, don't be too concerned—there is nothing wrong with you or your partner. Yous can also attempt using lube to make the deed a lot more comfortable for both parties.

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vii. Not everybody bleeds.

Like nosotros mentioned earlier, it's likely that you'll bleed during your first fourth dimension when tissue tears effectually your hymen. Notwithstanding, Planned Parenthood says that it'south also totally normal if you don't bleed.

8. Your torso will feel different.

After you have sex, your vagina becomes more than flexible—your vagina will become more than used to penetration, which ways sex will become more comfy for yous as time passes. Plus, your boobs volition temporarily become firmer, as the arousal volition crusade your blood vessels to dilate and your breast tissues to cracking upwards. Your nipples will also get more than sensitive than normal. Why? Blood menstruation and muscular tension increment when y'all're turned on, which makes your nipples become hard.

ix. Your virginity is non a 🎁.

Mayhap the most confusing question yous volition ever face in your life is, Am I ready to have sex? And it's extra-complicated when yous're in a human relationship (or, yous know, a sorta-kinda-maybe-relationship) and start to feel like in that location are expectations on the other end. Just just recollect that you never owe someone sex, no matter how nice they are, or much they spent on concert tix, or that information technology's your any-month anniversary or someone'southward birthday or anything else. Yep, we know. You're looking for a heavenly sign that it's time. But the truth is, that sign won't come from anyone else...it has to come from you lot.

10. Losing information technology takes a LOT of planning.

Or at least...information technology should. And we're not talking nearly lighting candles, cueing up a special sexy-time playlist, and sprinkling a bed with rose petals. Nope, nope. See, with sex comes ginormous responsibleness: Am I on birth control? Who's going to get the condoms (if I'one thousand sleeping with a guy)? And where/when can nosotros notice a private space and fourth dimension to get it on? If you're seriously considering taking the adjacent step, you lot've got to be ready to answer these Qs and understand that sex tin can bring life-irresolute consequences, like pregnancy or an STD you'll have for the rest of your life. Plus, it's totally possible to get pregnant during your first time, and so always be safe! Sex is not only spontaneous magic, like in the movies. Simply knowing you were adult plenty to do it right volition experience WAY more special in the long run.

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xi. You lot are going to feel like the newb-iest of newbs.

And approximate what? You should but cover information technology, because no i would wait you lot to nail a brand new dance routine or stand up your first fourth dimension surfing. The truth is, fifty-fifty if information technology'south non your partner'due south starting time time, it's their first time with Yous. No doubt, you're both feeling a piddling nervous. So rather than obsess silently (am I doing this right? is this good? help?!), be honest about your experience level up front, and direct-upward ask what they like throughout. "Whether information technology's your start time or your 100th time, communication and comfort are key," says Horejs.

12. You might think: This totally sucks.

Beforehand, your brain was all fireworks-worthy fantasies. In reality, though, sexual activity—that first time—may be more like: That's all?! Really?! In fact, you might want it to be over the 2d information technology starts...and that's 100% normal. "Sexual activity takes place mentally too as physically," explains Smith. "Then if y'all feel tense or are scared, which nearly people exercise feel their first fourth dimension, it tin can exist really difficult to enjoy your experience." In addition, your hormonal changes might lead to emotional outbreaks mail-sex. Your emotions are at an all time high after sex activity, so don't worry as well much if you're experiencing farthermost feelings, both negative and positive. When yous grow more comfortable, however, you lot'll feel more than at ease — both with the act itself and your partner.

13. Afterwards, your relationship can go weird-ish.

Real talk: Losing your virginity can bring you and your bae closer. Simply what no one actually talks about is how it tin can also test your bond in crazy ways. A tardily menses, a questionable bump down there — sh*t can go serious very fast, and those uncertainties can poke holes in your connection. Then before you make the decision to claw up (any time! not just the first time), e'er ask yourself: Is our relationship strong plenty to withstand the worst-case scenarios? Can I trust this girl/dude to treat me with total respect afterwards? This is a big decision, and you'll need the *ultimate* gut-check. Too, don't kid yourself into thinking that sexual practice volition turn a casual hookup into a relationship. The only affair that leads to a human relationship is caring deeply virtually each other, and that doesn't have annihilation to do with when you lose your virginity.

14. Information technology might non be ~magical~.

Movies and TV shows create all kinds of ideas about what first-time sexual practice looks similar. If you lot want candles and romance, you should brand that known. Only if yous desire to just do it to get your outset fourth dimension behind you, that's ok, too. As long as you lot're protecting yourself against STDs and pregnancy, yous can practise information technology however it feels right to yous (in that location's no right or wrong way to have sex for the first time).

xv. Y'all can lose it again. And once more. And over again.

Yes, that sounds incommunicable, just stick with us here. Because if you have had sex once (or twice) and it'southward not the experience y'all had hoped for, you tin take what you've learned most what you want and…get this…wait for it. "Having sex once does not open up the floodgates," says Gowen. "Yous always have the right to pull back and say no." In fact, beingness a born-again virgin can be totally empowering. It gives you the chance to agree out for any was missing the start time—whether that was truthful beloved...or merely a real bed. (You lot deserve both!)

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16. Y'all probably won't orgasm at the aforementioned time as your partner, if at all.

Believe it or non, it's really not that mutual for multiple people to orgasm at the aforementioned time. The fantasies that movies and other media portray are not reality, so don't feel likewise bad if you don't orgasm your beginning time. Considering you may not exist used to having sex, it's unlikely that it'll happen and if it does, you lot won't know what to wait.

17. Virgins tin can still have STDs.

According to Planned Parenthood, information technology's possible to get some STDs in non-sexual means, like using 4 drugs or having information technology passed from mother to baby during childbirth. While most STDs can exist passed on through genital-to-genital contact, they can also be spread through unprotected oral sex. This means yous can notwithstanding be at gamble if i of you has had oral sexual practice without using a condom, dental dam, or other forms of protection. Because of this, anyone involved may desire to get tested just to be on the safe side.

xviii. It's okay to communicate that it's your first time.

Equally a virgin, yous may experience pressured to know what you're doing when yous have sex for the showtime time. However, you wouldn't wait yourself to know how to drive a machine if you lot've never done it earlier, so why do y'all experience that mode when it comes to sex activity? Information technology's totally normal and okay to express that it'southward your outset time with your partner. Once they're aware, they may even help you out or accept things slow to brand certain you're comfortable.

19. Sexual attraction doesn't always equate to an emotional connection.

A lot of people adopt to accept sex for the start time with someone they love or care securely about, but this isn't e'er the case. Sometimes, in that location won't be an emotional connectedness with people you're physically attracted to. In the case of demisexuality, however, you may only feel sexual attraction for other people afterward establishing a romantic bond. It truly depends on the preferences of each person involved.

twenty. You shouldn't experience bad for yet being a virgin.

If you lot still oasis't had sex for the starting time time, you shouldn't feel bad well-nigh it. Life isn't a race and anybody's experiences are different. No matter your age, you should feel fix and comfy enough to practice things on your own terms, and there's no shame in that.